During this hotbed political firestorm we find ourselves in, it is important to stay on top of current events as they unfold. This is an important time for our country as the rest of the world, covered in a thin sheen of panic induced flop sweat, tries to comprehend our next two choices for president.
On the Left we have Hilary Clinton a woman who, as if through some sort of ironic gypsy curse, just can’t seem to get arrested no matter what she does. On Tuesday, many Americans breathed a sigh of “What the crap?!” as the FBI cleared her of any criminal wrongdoing during her recent email scandal.
On the Right we have Donald Trump, a man who legitimately might be a Nazi. That’s it. We literally cannot tell.
But the latest news may shake the political establishment to its very core. By now, we’ve all heard that Bristol Palin is pregnant with her third out of wedlock baby. And according to newly found evidence, the father of said baby may be none other than Slick Willy…
No, not that Slick Willy! This One!
The news first broke when Bristol Palin was seen emerging from her stately igloo wearing her traditional “I’m with stupid” Maternity T-Shirt, where the arrow is pointing up. But the paparazzi became suspicious weeks earlier when Bill Clinton was spotted coming and going from the house at late hours of the night.
The Associated Press immediately reached out to Mr. Clinton in hopes of a statement. He quickly agreed to a press conference, but when questioned he only provided this cryptic gesture,
In an effort to find further clarification on this story, the media went to scandal veteran Hilary Clinton for answers. When asked, “Mrs. Clinton! Is it true that your husband fathered an illegitimate child with Bristol Palin?”, Mrs. Clinton responded, “Guys, can we please talk about the economy or something?”
Donald Trump couldn’t keep his flabby mouth shut on the subject. “These people and their values just disgust me. You know, I’m a family guy and I see this, and I say, this is what’s wrong with America. At least this time the baby is completely white, so that’s something.”
One time Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders was questioned about his thoughts while sitting on a park bench, enjoying his morning coffee. “Well (laughs) I love to see Democrats and Republicans come together like that.” He then reached over his shoulder and high fived a random passerby.
Sarah Palin could not be reached for comment. She reportedly committed hari kari at Branson’s Dixie Stampede upon hearing the news.
Editors Note: Guy, I’ve done some looking and very little of this seems to be true. Do NOT publish until I can fact check this.