San Diego, CA — A mascot for a federally funded Christian anti- organization was sentenced to eight years in federal prison after being convicted of assault on a police officer, molesting a dolphin, and public . This was the fourth arrest for public in three years for 37-year-old Paul Horner, the man inside the Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin mascot costume.
Trial evidence showed that on November 13th, 2015, Horner, while accompanying a group of 3rd graders on a field trip, broke free of the group and entered the dolphin exhibit at SeaWorld in San Diego, California. Surveillance video showed Horner removing his clothing and touching himself inappropriately. The video also showed Horner entering the water with dolphins where he began molesting one of the porpoises. When authorities arrived, Horner broke the nose and left arm of one of the arresting officers.
40-year-old Phil Freedom, who testified during the week-long trial, witnessed the act in question while he was visiting the park with his wife and two young boys.
“This man was just standing there naked, furiously masturbating, and staring through the glass at those dolphins with so much anger. He then climbed into the water with only a dolphin’s mascot head on and began attempting to hump those poor animals. It was absolutely horrifying. My children have been having nightmares and I’ve had to take them out of school. This whole ordeal has scarred my family for life.”
Horner’s attorney, Pattie Smith, told reporters outside the courthouse that she does not agree with the verdict.
“The wrong man went to prison today,” Smith said. “The state may have had “witnesses” and “laws”, and SeaWorld may have had “video”, but these are all just “things”. Not one of them is in the Bible or something our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ would follow, because in the end, it is only God that can judge. It is not a courtroom, it is not a jury and it is certainly not a judge who can judge; it is only God Almighty himself. I believe in the future, when we look back on what happened here today, it will be known as the greatest injustice in the history of mankind.”
Audio of the surveillance video was given to the press:
“I am Paul Horner! I am a dolphin! No one can stop me you (censored) (censored)! (inaudible…screaming…) Get your (censored) hands off me you (censored) pigs! I’ll break your other arm you (censored)(censored). (inaudible…screaming…) Do you know who you’re (censored) with?!! I am Fappy the (censored) Dolphin, you (censored) bastards! (crashing noises, glass breaking) Jesus! Help me!”
Tom Downey with the San Diego Police Department, who took Horner into custody, testified during the trial.
“We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to . Telling us he was at the park with a Christian organization speaking to children about the dangers of . Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick and ringing the Devil’s doorbell’; we thought he was insane,” Downey said. “Turns out he actually was with this anti- organization who were accompanying a group of 3rd graders around the park. Blew my mind.”
“This is not the first run-in with the law for this anti-masturbation mascot. This is his fourth arrest in three years for public . If you were to look up the word ‘ironic’ in the dictionary, you would see a picture of this man’s face.” Johnson continued, “While an organization like ours is doing something amazing, like providing brand new socks for the homeless, these wackos are going around telling your kids not to masturbate. And the worst part is, since they are federally funded, it’s on your dime.”
Lonnie Childs, who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now, the Christian organization that Horner was employed with, spoke with reporters about the future of the organization.
“Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of children learn to live a -free lifestyle. During his countless visits to schools around the world, Fappy has collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he has done amazing things,” Childs said. “It is a shame what the justice system is doing to Fappy right now. Paul Horner is a great man. He is passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy and he especially loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him; they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some stupid eight year prison sentence.” Childs continued, “These lies about Fappy sicken me to my very core. The police and individuals who testified against Fappy need to be investigated. What is their motives for doing this? Are they masturbators? Are they agents of Big Masturbation? What are their crimes? These are the questions that must be addressed. Furthermore, we have found that over the years, the only thing that Fappy “beats” are all the fraudulent charges brought against him. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this misunderstanding is resolved.”
On the group’s Facebook page, news was posted of the arrest.
All my faithful Fappy followers, I have some extremely bad news to report. I want you to hear it here first before the liberal media hate machine spreads their lies about today’s court ruling. As you may or may not know, Fappy The Anti- Dolphin, whose real name is Paul Horner, was arrested last month outside of Sea World by the San Diego Police Department. A jury came back today, sentencing our beloved dolphin to eight years in federal prison. Obviously we are appealing this ridiculous conviction of assault on a police officer, molesting a dolphin, and public masturbation, so in the meantime please do not jump to any conclusions. I do want to report that Fappy is in good spirits and says he will make the most of his imprisonment. Fappy informed me that prison is just a hotbed of self-rape and immoral acts, and plans to put an end to masturbation in every prison across the country, starting with the one he will be serving time at. Horner is a hero, a prophet, and a savior to all the lost heathenish souls out there with deadly masturbation addictions. Under the plea deal, Fappy will have access to WiFi, conjugal visits, and limited work release, allowing him the ability to continue educating children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. At this time we ask you not to jump to any conclusions about this horrible injustice until we have exhausted all of our options. Please keep Fappy in your prayers during this difficult time.
Stop Now recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which they claim focused on educating children about the dangers and consequences of . For more information or if you would like the group to visit your child’s school call (785) 273-0325.