Crime Health Law

Deadly New Trend In Alabama Called ‘Rubbing’ Has Arrests At An All-Time High

Written by Jimmy Rustling

A new craze is sweeping parts of Alabama as teenagers are participating in a unique trend known as rubbing; but this craze has some turning up dead.

Montgomery, AL — A new craze is sweeping parts of Alabama as teenagers are participating in a unique trend known as rubbing. Rubbing involves a male grinding their penis on various objects and then taking a picture of his actions to show friends or posting the photo(s) online for others to see.

24-year-old Brandon Adams from Montgomery spoke with local new station WSFA 12 about rubbing.

“The better the rub the more points you score with friends,” Adams said. “Pulling down your pants and rubbing on a bar stool or something is pretty funny, but rubbing on a police car is epic. The more danger involved, makes for a better picture. Regardless the rub, it’s really, really funny.”

But rubbing is not all fun and games.

Earlier this month rubbing took the life of 36-year-old Paul Horner when he attempted to rub his genitalia at the top of a six story pole and tragically fell to his death.

“He was climbing this pole, with his pants down, and he just lost his grip and fell,” Richard Mayo, a friend of Horner’s said. “We’re just all so devastated. I hope people learn from this and rubbing finally comes to an end.”

Local resident 28-year-old Samantha Holloway witnessed rubbing just days ago and told Montgomery Fox News station WVOC that she is still traumatized from the event.

“So I’m at this bar by my house with my friend Amber, drinking a few beers, just having a good time. Suddenly this group of 5 or 6 guys come in with their pants down and just start running around the bar rubbing their dicks on everything. Before the owner had a chance to do anything, the group had left, but not before penis residue was all over everything,” Holloway said. “They had to close the bar for two days and bring in a Hazmat Crew to clean up everything. I don’t think what they’re doing is funny, it’s just disgusting.”

Sergeant Tom Downey of the Montgomery Police Department said rubbing has become a big problem in the state.

“The kids get drunk, they pull down their pants and start rubbing their junk all over everything,” Downey said. “It’s not cool or hilarious like these guys think it is, it’s illegal. A first time offense for rubbing will usually get the individual a warning. Second and third offenses carry a minimum of a week to 30 days in jail. We’re done messing around with these types of shenanigans.”

Downey ended the press conference explaining what his plans are for the future of rubbing in Montgomery.

“Pranks like these have been around for years. It used to be innocent things like planking and things of that nature, but rubbing is just going too far,” Downey said. “We are making rubbing priority number one and hopefully we can put an end to it once and for all.”

If you witness rubbing of any kind please call the Rubbing Hotline at (785) 273-0325. As always you can remain anonymous.

About the author

Jimmy Rustling

Born at an early age, Jimmy Rustling has found solace and comfort knowing that his humble actions have made this multiverse a better place for every man, woman and child ever known to exist. Dr. Jimmy Rustling has won many awards for excellence in writing including fourteen Peabody awards and a handful of Pulitzer Prizes. When Jimmies are not being Rustled the kind Dr. enjoys being an amazing husband to his beautiful, soulmate; Anastasia, a Russian mail order bride of almost 2 months. Dr. Rustling also spends 12-15 hours each day teaching their adopted 8-year-old Syrian refugee daughter how to read and write.


Leave a Comment

/* ]]> */