Humor Paul Horner News Satire

BREAKING NEWS: It’s Snowing In The Northeast, Again

snow
Written by Jimmy Rustling
snowing again

Ken Harris, seen here, shoveling his sidewalk in the Northeast, again, just like last year. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Boston, MA — A massive snow storm and blizzard is hitting the Northeast, again. The winter storm is stranding motorists on highways and piling up drifts so high that some homeowners are having problems getting their doors open. This may remind you of the great snow storm from 2014 where the exact same situation happened, along with every other year before that.

Erich Sean from Boston said he gets frustrated every year around this exact same time.

“I just keep telling myself that maybe this will be the year we don’t get blizzards and huge snow storms, but I’m always wrong,” Sean said. “Well, maybe next year I’ll be right.”

Paul Horner who is weather man for WCVB said he was amazed with all the snowfall happening in the Northeast.

“When I first heard about the snowstorm I couldn’t understand how this could be possible. To see all this snow in February during the winter time, it just blows your mind,” Horner said. “I just want to say a word to all of our loyal viewers and readers; if you’re out in the snow, without clothes on, go back inside your home and put clothes on immediately. Then proceed to do what you’ve always done during February for the past 100 years or however long you’ve lived in the Northeast.”

73-year-old Wanda Jenkins from Sun City, Arizona told reporters she cannot believe the news about all the snowstorms and blizzards happening in the Northeast.


“Oh lawd, it’s just horrible. Have you seen the news lately? It’s snowing like crazy in the Northeast, again. And all of this during wintertime, in February, just like it always does,” Jenkins said. “I’m planning on sending care packages to all of my relatives that live in the Northeast. Each box will be filled with fake snow and photographs of my beautiful backyard and garden. I think I’ll take the pictures this Saturday, while in my shorts and t-shirt, when it’s supposed to be 80 degrees with clear blue skies.”

The National Weather Service is warning people living in the Northeast to expect more snow and blizzards. The threat level on their website has been elevated to “Normal”, which is where it has been since threat levels for snow and blizzards in the Northwest began being documented over 50 years ago.

If you know of a family member or loved one living in the Northeast, expect them to call you complaining about the weather. Make sure you have caller ID or a block in place so you can disregard their bitching that happens every year at this exact same time.




About the author

Jimmy Rustling

Born at an early age, Jimmy Rustling has found solace and comfort knowing that his humble actions have made this multiverse a better place for every man, woman and child ever known to exist. Dr. Jimmy Rustling has won many awards for excellence in writing including fourteen Peabody awards and a handful of Pulitzer Prizes. When Jimmies are not being Rustled the kind Dr. enjoys being an amazing husband to his beautiful, soulmate; Anastasia, a Russian mail order bride of almost 2 months. Dr. Rustling also spends 12-15 hours each day teaching their adopted 8-year-old Syrian refugee daughter how to read and write.

Leave a Comment

Shares