Business Investigative

Austin Restaurant Adopts “Kitchen To Table Insurance Policy”

Austin, Texas – A restaurant in Austin, Texas has adopted a controversial new policy that is poised to revolutionize the food service industry. Coughee’s, a restaurant that specializes in Tex-Mex fusion, is planning to implement what they call “Kitchen to Table Insurance”. This new policy will require customers to pay a fee in addition to the cost of their meals to cover any damage or loss that may occur after the meal is made but before the meal reaches the table. Phil Coughee, the owner of Coughee’s, defended this new policy saying that it will catch on like wildfire in the restaurant industry.

“Restaurants all over the country are losing money like crazy every time a waiter or waitress drops a hamburger” said Coughee. “And when they drop it, we have to make a new burger and that cost comes right out of our pocket. It isn’t fair that we should have to cover those kinds of costs. With this new policy we are shifting the financial responsibility to the customer where it belongs.”

Other members of the food service industry are not as convinced as Coughee that the new policy will be successful. Porter Guilliam Montgomery, the co-proprietor of the famous Next Level Kitchen, was one of the dissenters. “People go in to a restaurant, they have certain expectations,” said Montgomery. “They expect to pay for food, they expect to pay for a drink, and they even expect to pay for good service through a tip. What they do not expect to pay is some sort of extra fee to make sure that their food actually gets to the table. This is not something you can spring on customers and think they’ll just accept.”

Louis Williams, the other Proprietor of the legendary Next Level Kitchen essentially agreed with his business partner. “What the hell is food insurance? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Coughee’s has modeled their insurance policy after the USPS Insurance Policy. The USPS Insurance Policy has been controversial to say the least but has been very effective in screwing people out of their money. A spokesperson for the Post Office, Danny Williams, said that the USPS Insurance Policy is “Genius”. “Look, think about this. You pay us to deliver something. Then you have to pay us an insurance fee to make sure it actually gets there otherwise you’re just SOL. It’s a license to steal man!”

It will be interesting to see how this new policy will actually influence the restaurant industry. Every industry is always looking for ways to maximize their profits and who knows? This could be the next big step.

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Bailey "Blue" Brown

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