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Antonin Scalia Declares ‘Racism is Over’

Washington, D.C. – While overseeing a case involving Affirmative Action and its role in the college system, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia made some inflammatory comments about African Americans and their ability to perform well in college. According to CNN Scalia stated that black students belong in “lesser” or “slower paced” schools and don’t perform well in more advanced schools. Mother Jones referred to Scalia’s comments as “outrageously offensive” and “David Duke-esque”.

Scalia made these comments while overseeing the case of Abigail Fisher. Fisher, who is white, was denied entry to the University of Texas in 2008 and she claims the denial was not based on her academic ability but because of the color of her skin.

But the story doesn’t end there. Scalia was quick to jump to his own defense. In what some are calling a bizarre strategy, the Supreme Court Judge has said his comments should be deemed acceptable because, according to him, “racism is over”.

“Frankly all this media attention is a bit silly,” said Scalia. “Even the most casual student of our country’s legal system should know that racism hasn’t existed since 1964 when we passed the Civil Rights Act. So obviously there’s no possible way for my statement to be considered racist if racism hasn’t existed for fifty years! I mean come on, racism? It’s 2015 people, racism is over.”

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The American Civil Liberties Union was not impressed by Scalia’s defense of his actions. Morgan Monroe, a lawyer for the ACLU, addressed the issue in a public statement.

“Is this guy serious?” said Monroe. “Is this really the kind of mindset that exists in the highest and most important court in the country? What does that even mean, ‘racism is over’? Because a law was passed? No one can possibly be that dense. Laws, legislation, bills, statutes, these things don’t stop racism. All they do is limit the power that the racists have at their disposal. Or at least they’re supposed to do that. You really don’t expect in this day and age to turn and around and see a Supreme Court Justice rant and rave like a drunk crazy uncle at Thanksgiving.”

Though the comments were condemned by any sane human being, one radical Christian group has come forward in support of Scalia. The infamous Church of the Seventh Coalition, praised Scalia for his comments and promised to support future racist rhetoric from him. The Church’s leader, Chandler Duke, had this to say, “Here at the Church of the Seventh Coalition, we support any and all racism, homophobia, xenophobia, and downright hatred of minorities. It’s just wonderful to see someone as powerful and respected as a Supreme Court Justice make these kind of comments.”

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