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It Sure Is A Hot One Today…

It sure is a hot one today
Written by Jimmy Rustling

If you are ever the unfortunate victim of public transportation here in Phoenix, Arizona, it is just a fact that you will have to deal with random strangers; some more, some less, most of the time, none at all.

“It sure is a hot one today,” is a common phrase for talkie entities to say to your body receiver.

“Yup,” I’ll reply. “It’ll probably be a hot one tomorrow too. No doubt a hot one after that day too. Maybe not as hot the following day, but after that day, that one will be a hot one for sure. If I was a gambling man, I would bet the day after that, it will be hot too. Oh, and don’t even get me started about the day after that one, it will be a true barn burner for sure.” Then start laughing hysterically and look them directly in the eyes and say, “Don’t plan on wearing your winter coat that day.” Then stop laughing and immediately stare at the ground.

After that they usually leave me alone.

Though, there are those true champions out there, fueled by alcohol or a narcotic of some kind; they will find something else to chatter about.

They might see me drawing in my sketchpad.

“Woah, bro, did you do that? You should do tattoos for a living, you totally could. My brother/other family member/friend could totally hook you up with a job, I’m totally serious.”

I respond by saying, “Yeah, I don’t like tattoos. Wouldn’t ever get one, I think they look like sh*t on EVERYONE who has one.”

Then they will say, “Oh yeah, but bro, you’re really good. My brother is really good. You should check out some of his work sometime. Here, I think I have some pictures of his work on my phone. And here’s his number, give him a call, I think his phone is off right now, let me get your number. He can totally get you a job. Actually, it’s not his shop, but he’s real tight with the owner and I’ll even vouch for your skills. Just call the shop and tell the owner you talked to me, but he doesn’t know me, so just tell him you met me on the bus or something; tell him I am [name]’s brother.”

Then they will usually grab my face so I can look at his phone, “See! I told you! Look at this amazing work my brother does! It’s not all his. Actually most of it is not. It’s downloaded from other tattoo artists. You should try contacting them to see if you can get an internship with them or something.”

Then, as loud as I can, I yell out, “RAPE!!!!!!”

97% of the time, by yelling this, it will put an end to the debacle right there and then, but we are talking about “public drawing”, so dpending on that person’s sobriety level, yelling “RAPE!!!!!!” does not always do the job.

So, you just gotta bite the bullet, and shank them.

Remember, always carry a concealed shank just in case a prison fight breaks out. And DO NOT EVER back down or the other inmates will see this as a sign of weakness. They will approach you and ask if you have ever considered doing tattoos.

Hope that helps, best of luck!

True story by Paul Horner inspired by Steve Middleton

About the author

Jimmy Rustling

Born at an early age, Jimmy Rustling has found solace and comfort knowing that his humble actions have made this multiverse a better place for every man, woman and child ever known to exist. Dr. Jimmy Rustling has won many awards for excellence in writing including fourteen Peabody awards and a handful of Pulitzer Prizes. When Jimmies are not being Rustled the kind Dr. enjoys being an amazing husband to his beautiful, soulmate; Anastasia, a Russian mail order bride of almost 2 months. Dr. Rustling also spends 12-15 hours each day teaching their adopted 8-year-old Syrian refugee daughter how to read and write.

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