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Dennis Rodman Flies Out Of The U.S. To Talk With Leaders Of ISIS

Dennis Rodman to speak with ISIS
Written by Jimmy Rustling
Dennis Rodman leaves the U.S. to talk with leaders of ISIS

Dennis Rodman at the Los Angeles International Airport flying out today to talk with the leaders of ISIS. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Los Angeles, CA — With only a handful of reporters present at the Los Angeles International Airport, Dennis Rodman announced his intentions to speak with the leaders of ISIS, before boarding a plane to Syria.

“I know a lot of people won’t understand what I’m doing, but it’s my decision,” Rodman said. “I think if I could just talk with the leaders of ISIS they would see the errors of their ways.”

“I wish him the best of luck,” Rodman’s agent, Jimi Davies, told reporters. “Dennis is a wordsmith, a really likable guy. I think ISIS will listen to what the man has to say and hopefully change for the better.”

Rodman told reporters he is not joining ISIS, or fighting alongside them, but is only there to talk with their top leaders.

“I’ve been following ISIS for months now. There’s a lot of things they are doing that just ain’t cool. I’ll tell them what I think and maybe they’ll change their methods,” Rodman said. “I think my basketball skills will help a lot too, boxing people out of the paint at times when it counts, like the 4th quarter. I was thinking about getting an ISIS tattoo to let them know that I mean business.”

Fox News political analyst, Tom Downey, said he is confused by Rodman’s actions.

“I don’t know what Rodman thinks he’s going to accomplish over there, no one is going to listen to him,” Downey said. “The best case scenario is that Dennis Rodman comes back alive. The worst case scenario is that Dennis Rodman comes back alive.”

“ISIS is just a group of demented people living in the desert, on the other side of the world, trying to run their own little dysfunctional society and are the farthest thing from a serious force to be reckoned with,” Paul Horner, a White House correspondent told CBS News. “The more we give them credit or acknowledge them, the more they get what they are looking for, and that is attention and notoriety. What Dennis Rodman is doing is exactly what they want. The best thing that the American people can do to fight ISIS is to ignore them, be aware of your surroundings and not let fear win. It is important to understand what ISIS truly is; a backyard clubhouse run by a handful of insane individuals.”

Fappy The Dolphin, a mascot for a federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization, who was recently arrested for masturbating in public at SeaWorld, said he supports what Rodman is doing.

“I think Rodman could do a lot to help stop all of the self-rape that is going on over there. I wish him the best of luck.”

Previous attempts to “talk” with ISIS ended in the beheading of U.S. journalist James Foley. Rodman made headlines last year when he traveled to North Korea to play basketball and meet with its leader, Kim Jong-un. After the trip Rodman told fans, ‘If you don’t want me to go back there ever again, I won’t go back’.

VIDEO: Dennis Rodman Leaves United States To Talk With Leaders Of ISIS

About the author

Jimmy Rustling

Born at an early age, Jimmy Rustling has found solace and comfort knowing that his humble actions have made this multiverse a better place for every man, woman and child ever known to exist. Dr. Jimmy Rustling has won many awards for excellence in writing including fourteen Peabody awards and a handful of Pulitzer Prizes. When Jimmies are not being Rustled the kind Dr. enjoys being an amazing husband to his beautiful, soulmate; Anastasia, a Russian mail order bride of almost 2 months. Dr. Rustling also spends 12-15 hours each day teaching their adopted 8-year-old Syrian refugee daughter how to read and write.

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