You joined an online dating agency because you thought it would be convenient? After a few iffy connections you’ve finally connected with someone who really stirs up swarms of butterflies inside you when their name appears in the caller ID on your phone, or in an incoming text. That’s all great. It’s worth injecting a note of caution, though. It might seem easier to fall for someone online, but it’s also much harder to detect issues. So be prepared. Here are four tip-offs that your online relationship is doomed.
Frequency of communication
I suppose this is the most obvious symptom of a waning partnership, and it pretty much mirrors what happens in the outside world. With conventional dating, that flurry of initial get-togethers and deeply romantic dates will eventually ease off as couples become more comfortable with each other. But when the frequency of phone calls dip in direct proportion to the rise in last minute date cancellations, then it becomes obvious that all is not well.
This situation is reciprocated with online dating. When partners have made a real connection with someone they like, there will be a constant toing and froing of text messages and videochats. A surefire sign that they’ve lost interest for whatever reason will be graphically illustrated by a reduction in this communication.
An unfortunate aspect of human nature is that most people tend to shy away from confrontation. If your other half has lost interest, or met someone else, or has been discovered using a dating site by their real life boyfriend/girlfriend – it could be any of these reasons or something else completely – they won’t necessarily feel obliged to confess this to you straight away. You know, like they do in the films, with an earnest speech while the soundtrack rings with a string concerto. No way. The most likely scenario is they’ll allow their silence to speak volumes.
Making the jump from 2D to 3D
The whole thing about online dating is that you can really get to know someone simply by clicking on a cute person’s profile and then messaging them. This can become the springboard into a meaningful partnership, as you become friendlier and friendlier, eventually flirting your socks off (and mentally removing various other items of clothing.) Ultimately, once you’ve made a real connection you’ll want to see beyond the two-dimensional image you chat to in your browser. You’ll want to meet them in the flesh.
This can be quite an undertaking, especially as the chances of your internet lover sharing your postcode will be statistically remote. There might well be a degree of planning required, a trip to some far-flung corner of the country, or even a foreign destination. When this becomes a huge issue, then alarm bells should ring. If your significant other keeps making excuses why it’s going to be impractical to meet up at the moment, you have to ask yourself why not? Perhaps the most obvious reason for them not wanting you actually intruding into their real world is that there is someone else lurking there, someone they’ve never admitted about, who would not be best pleased to see you.
Chemistry is the lifeblood of any relationship, so when this fades everything else will swiftly follow. How will you know this is the case? Think of sex. Does your online partner still give you an adrenaline rush? Do you still fantasize about them? Or does the thought of being intimate somehow leave you cold? Not good.
When words fail
The vibrancy of any partnership, offline or online, can be easily be gauged by the conversations. With online dating, as with the conventional type, when people click they are excited, full of the joys of spring. They’ll chatter together, the diminishing silences battered out of the way by an onslaught of anecdotes, funny stories, hopes and aspirations, and flirting. Lots and lots of flirting. With online dating this can be even more intense as strangers find it so much easier to open up when they’ve been introduced via a website and are free to let their text messages run freely.
But language can also reveal when your relationship has reversed into an emotional cul-de-sac. You might have suspected that all was not well, but when your texting becomes abrupt and chat all too easily dissolves into bickering and argument, then you should really learn to accept the truth and prepare to bail.
Perhaps the biggest giveaway of all? A simple slip up of a word that will announce your relationship is over is huge neon letters. When you get called someone else’s first name: a name that is obviously become far more common to their conversation than you are.