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Obama Signs Executive Order Which Bans The Sale Of Assault Weapons

Obama signs Executive Order on gun control
Written by Jimmy Rustling
  • President Obama promises large scale Homeland Security raids if gun violence does not subside
  • Executive Order includes mandatory 30 day waiting period on all new firearm sales
  • Felony prison time for those who do not comply with the new law

WASHINGTON D.C. (AP) — After last Sunday’s mass shooting in Orlando, which left 50 Americans dead and 53 wounded, President Obama decided to take unilateral action on gun control by signing Executive Order 13691. The new law bans all sales of assault weapons and places a mandatory 30 day waiting period on all firearm sales, regardless of whether the transaction takes place at a gun dealership or gun show. The requirement also extends to private sales and requires all private firearm sellers to broker the sale through a federally licensed gun dealer. The order requires prospective gun buyers to undergo a psychological evaluation. Individuals who have been committed involuntarily to a mental health institution at any time; those who have been voluntarily committed with the past 5 years; anyone with a domestic violence restraining order, regardless of criminal history; and anyone who has been placed on the no-fly list or terrorist watch list at any time within the past 10 years will not be allowed to purchase or possess firearms.

President Obama was unapologetic in his speech regarding the Executive Order.

“If we are to truly change things for the better, we must come to grips with the ugly truth that our culture is obsessed with violence in all forms. We must work to quell the rising tide of anti-intellectualism and recommit to educating people of all ages so that they are capable of expressing their thoughts and feelings like civilized adults and not like hapless barbarians. Reforming our gun laws is not a magic bullet, and yes, people will find other ways to kill each other, but by making these killing machines harder to get we can hopefully, at the very least, make it so that not as many people fall victim to these random, senseless acts of deplorable violence. I don’t want to take your guns away. I just want to make it harder for the Omar Mateens of the world to kill innocent people. I think we can all agree that if you’re deemed too much of a national security threat to fly on an airplane, you shouldn’t be able to buy an AR-15. Unfortunately, the Republicans didn’t feel this way, and they’ve left me with no other choice. If things don’t change, and people keep dying as a result of senseless acts of gun violence, I’ll have no choice but to order Homeland Security to hunt down every last assault rifle in this country.”



A group of Donald Trump supporters, known as Bullets First, is planning to protest the signing of the executive order by marching on Capitol Hill, and in front of the White House, armed with the controversial AR-15s, as well as other military style weapons. The group says that it is prepared to “defend the constitution at all costs.” The group is calling for Obama to resign and allow the organization to place him under citizen’s arrest for treason. The group’s leader, 52-year-old Tom Downey, who has two children and another on the way, quit his job as an overnight cashier at the TA truck stop in Sayre, Oklahoma to organize the rally. Downey claims that he has over 100,000 Trump supporters from all over America ready to head to D.C. and “take back the country.” His common law wife, 23-year-old Tami Hobart, supports his decision wholeheartedly, and while she worries about him getting killed, says that at least she can tell her children that he died standing up for their right to stockpile military grade weapons without “getting hassled by an out of control Islamo-communist fascist dictatorship.”

The group has the backing of right wing shock jock Alex Jones who called on his listeners to “bring about the final solution to the Obama question” on his radio show this morning and pledged financial and logistical support to the Bullets First protestors. Given this development, it is very likely that Bullets First will not be able to be contained by the Washington D.C. police department alone. ABC news sources inside the pentagon have confirmed that the government is preparing for a “possible military confrontation”, though they stressed that this was a “worst case scenario”.

Despite the heated emotions over this Executive Order, it is not likely to impact the lives of current gun owners in any meaningful way. The fact that it is an Executive Order, and not an act of Congress, means that this law could sit in court for years for before it can be implemented. Even then, it would not stop men like Elroy Stevens from deer hunting on the weekend with his friends or shooting clay pigeons at his Father-in-law’s ranch in West Texas, though Mr. Stevens appears to be headed down a completely different path entirely.

“It won’t stop someone from being able to buy a handgun for self-defense,” Stevens said. “It does nothing to address individual states’ concealed and open carry laws, nor does it limit the number of firearms an individual may own. It does not require the surrender of existing assault weapons, though it does ban all future transfers. This new law makes a minimal effort to keep guns out of the wrong hands.”

Sarah Bradley, a spokeswoman for Sock It Forward, a group that provides the homeless and those less fortunate with brand new socks, told ABC News that she agrees with the new gun law.

“These are common sense gun laws that will save lives,” Bradley said. “Obama is not tryin’ to take errr guns, he’s doing something that should’ve been done a long time ago. If this law would have been in place before, this Orlando shooting would have never happened. This horrible tragedy was about lack of gun control and not terrorism. As more news comes out about the shooter, we are learning he was a closeted homosexual, and because of his religion, this was not allowed. He hated the fact that he was gay and instaed of dealing with it like a man, by getting counseling or leaving Islam, he took his problems violently out on others.” Bradley continued, “I also just want to quickly say thank you to everyone that has donated to our cause! The smiles you are putting on a homeless person’s face is indescribably. A lot of people don’t know this fact, but socks are the least donated item at shelters but most desired. Please keep the donations coming regardless if it is $5 or $500, every bit helps so much!”



As President Obama addressed in his speech, new gun laws alone will not fix this problem. There are already numerous guns in circulation, and, moreover, the real issue isn’t a gun issue; it is a culture issue. America is a culture obsessed with UFC and NFL. Americans crave television programs that romanticize and fetishize violence. Ignorance is celebrated, while intellectualism is mocked relentlessly. For many gun owners, guns are a tool that must respected and handled with care; for many others, guns are nothing more than an expensive toy. When this utter disregard for the destructive power of guns is mixed with easy access and a culture that devalues human life, it is a recipe not only for disaster, but for absolute ruin.

The constant barrage of mass shootings is just a symptom of a much greater problem. American culture is dying. It has been for a long time. A law like this could have stopped Omar Mateen. It could stop other crimes like this in the future, or it could be too late. It is certainly too late for Omar Mateen. The damage has already been done. The question around this order is not will the government take away Americans’ guns. It is whether this order will be enough to save American culture from its impending death, or whether it is too little too late.

Washington political analyst, 37-year-old Paul Horner, who has been at The Coronado Healthcare Center since early last month after getting into a severe accident in Rocky Point, told ABC News what led up to this assault gun ban on both sides of the party.

“Republicans are saying the Orlando shooting is about terrorism because the shooter said he did it for ISIS, even though ISIS did not instruct him to do it and never once had communication with him. Democrats believe that if we had common sense gun laws in place this tragedy would never occurred. They believe that people like Omar Mateen, who was on a terror watch list and had been interviewed by the FBI three times, should not be allowed to buy assault weapons. And with all of this going on, I’m just laid up in a hospital bed not able to masturbate.”

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, a mascot for a Christian organization that travels around the country educating children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation, told reporters he doesn’t agree with Mr. Horner’s comments about touching himself in a hospital bed.

“I think it is great that Paul Horner is not able to pleasure himself right now. He should be focusing on healing and not playing with his sin stick. I have activated my prayer app and I encourage everyone to prayer for Mr. Horner during these difficult times; Not a full-prayer though, just a half prayer.”

Executive Order 13691 goes into effect July 1st, 2016. The Obama Administration has setup a hotline for individuals to report those who are not abiding by the new law. To encourage the public’s help in cracking down on those who are not following the law, a $500 reward is being offered. The administration urges you to call (785) 273-0325 with any information that you may have, and as always, you can remain anonymous.






About the author

Jimmy Rustling

Born at an early age, Jimmy Rustling has found solace and comfort knowing that his humble actions have made this multiverse a better place for every man, woman and child ever known to exist. Dr. Jimmy Rustling has won many awards for excellence in writing including fourteen Peabody awards and a handful of Pulitzer Prizes. When Jimmies are not being Rustled the kind Dr. enjoys being an amazing husband to his beautiful, soulmate; Anastasia, a Russian mail order bride of almost 2 months. Dr. Rustling also spends 12-15 hours each day teaching their adopted 8-year-old Syrian refugee daughter how to read and write.

1 Comment

  • I do not believe Obama shares the same values as real Americans. The United States was founded on Christian principles. Under his watch the constitution has been perverted, marriage has been perverted and frankly he has done more harm to the American people than good. He obviously is a Muslim. We need Trump in the White House come 2017. I certainly hope we can correct all of the wrongs that Obama has interjected into this country of laws with his own perverted personal beliefs.

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