Crime

New Craze In Louisiana Called ‘Whipping’ Has Arrests At All-Time Highs

DeQuincy, LA — A new craze is sweeping parts of Louisiana as teenagers are participating in a unique fad known as ‘Whipping’. ‘Whipping’ involves a male rubbing their penis on various objects and then taking a picture of his actions to show friends or posting the photo(s) online for others to see.

23-year-old Brandon Adams from DeQuincy told reporters the different types of ‘whipping’ that is being done in his town. “The better the ‘whipping’ the more points you score with friends,” Adams said. “Pulling down your pants and ‘whipping’ on a bar stool or something is pretty funny, but ‘Whipping’ on a police car is epic. The more danger involved, makes for a better picture.”

Local resident 27-year-old Sarah Winters witnessed ‘whipping’ just days ago and told reporters that she is still traumatized from the event. “So I’m at this bar by my house with my friend Amber, drinking a few beers, just having a good time. Suddenly this group of 5 or 6 guys come in with their pants down and start running around the bar rubbing their dicks on everything. Before the owner had a chance to do anything, the group had left, but not before penis residue was all over everything,” Winters said. “They had to close the bar for two days and bring in a Hazmat Crew to clean up everything. I don’t think what they’re doing is funny at all, it’s just disgusting.”

Sergeant Paul Horner of the DeQuincy Police Department said ‘Whipping’ has become a big problem in the town. “The kids get drunk, they pull down their pants and start rubbing their dicks all over everything,” Horner said. “It’s not cool or hilarious like these guys think it is, it’s illegal. A first time offense for ‘whipping’ will usually get the individual a warning. Second and third offenses carry a minimum of a week to 30 days in jail. We’re done messing around with these types of shenanigans.”

Horner ended the press conference explaining what his plans are for the future of ‘Whipping’ in DeQuincy. “Pranks like these have been around for years. It used to be innocent things like planking and things of that nature, but ‘Whipping’ is just going too far. We are making it priority number one in our city to put an end to it once and for all.”

If you witness ‘Whipping’ of any kind please call the DeQuincy Whipping Hotline at (785) 273-0325. As always you can remain anonymous.

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Jimmy Rustling

Jimmy Rustling

Born at an early age, Jimmy Rustling has found solace and comfort knowing that his humble actions have made this multiverse a better place for every man, woman and child ever known to exist. Dr. Jimmy Rustling has won many awards for excellence in writing including fourteen Peabody awards and a handful of Pulitzer Prizes. When Jimmies are not being Rustled the kind Dr. enjoys being an amazing husband to his beautiful, soulmate; Anastasia, a Russian mail order bride of almost 2 months. Dr. Rustling also spends 12-15 hours each day teaching their adopted 8-year-old Syrian refugee daughter how to read and write.

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