Gang Member Dies After Attempting To Gold Plate His Genitals

Written by Jimmy Rustling

Los Angeles, CA — An L.A. gang member, Nazario Conchuza Gonzalez, who is part of the infamous MS-13 gang, also called Mara Salvatrucha, has died of medical complications after attempting to gold plate his own genitals to celebrate his 15th anniversary of living illegally in the United States without deportation.

The 17-year old man who was allegedly a fan of the 2002 American comedy movie Goldmember, which is a loose parody of the James Bond films Goldfinger, had taken the Hispanic nickname of ‘Pelotas de Oro’, or golden testicles, before attempting to gold plate his own genitals to his ultimate demise.
gold plated genitalia doctor
Gold platting an individual’s genitals is “a medical impossibility” and should not be attempted, warns Dr. Ian Joseffson. (AP Photo/Dennis System)

Dr. Ian Joseffson of the Los Angeles Community Hospital warns of a growing trend among gang members who attempt the deadly operation.
“I have no idea where this idea comes from but plating one’s own genitals will only ultimately end in serious medical complications or even death, as we have seen in this case,” Dr. Jefferson said. “This is the third case this year, but we have had many occurrences in hospitals in the region these past years. It seems to be a growing trend within the gang member community.”

Some experts believe the tradition might find its roots in prehistoric Mesoamerican cultures, such as the Mayans who painted parts of their bodies with gold paint to empower themselves and as an offering to the Gods.


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About the author

Jimmy Rustling

Born at an early age, Jimmy Rustling has found solace and comfort knowing that his humble actions have made this multiverse a better place for every man, woman and child ever known to exist. Dr. Jimmy Rustling has won many awards for excellence in writing including fourteen Peabody awards and a handful of Pulitzer Prizes. When Jimmies are not being Rustled the kind Dr. enjoys being an amazing husband to his beautiful, soulmate; Anastasia, a Russian mail order bride of almost 2 months. Dr. Rustling also spends 12-15 hours each day teaching their adopted 8-year-old Syrian refugee daughter how to read and write.