Art

Pixar Bans Small Studio’s Film For Being “Too Good”

Jimmy Rustling
Written by Jimmy Rustling

LOS ANGELES ― Pixar Studios, the minds which brought us Toy Story, Finding Nemo and the upcoming Finding Dory, has threatened not to release any of its highly profitable animated films to any theaters who work with Orc*** Animation (we’re not allowed to say their name as part of an agreement), the boutique animation studio that made Caldera, a critically acclaimed film that has gained millions of fans via YouTube and Vimeo, and whose popularity expands every day.

“Orc***’s showing you don’t need a hundred-and-fifty million dollar budget to make an exceptional film,” said Leon Longlove, a Caldera fan. “I mean Caldera is f*cking epic. And it’s only like what, eleven minutes? And free! Phsst! Pixar’s overcharging us man. We’re buying their Ferraris is what we’re doing. Not their art. Those lamp logoed bastards! To the moon with em!”

The ban has also spread to YouTube and Vimeo, who both agreed to remove Caldera from their sites no longer than a year from now. Speculation is that they were both paid exorbitant amounts for their generosity.

“It’s sad,” said Dill Picklefoot. An animation student at Hampshire College. “Pixar’s trying to choke them out. Word is Catmull said the film’s just too good. Made him cry like Lance Bass at a Barbara Streisand concert and it doesn’t even have dialog in it. I downloaded a copy already before it vanishes. And I tattooed the main character on my forearm as a reminder of what could have been.”

Pixar has said that they will consider lifting the ban only if Caldera receives 4 million views via news/media outlets posting this story without mentioning Orc*** Animation studio’s full name. (Us being one of the few sites who agreed to do so.) They have also (allegedly) been egging Orc*** Animation’s parking lot with Inside Out themed eggs wrapped in rude fortune leaflets.

“This one says you better not hire Amy Schumer either!” said Allan Stefano, an Orc*** Animation employee. “Guess they know we were in talks with her to spread the word.

At the time of this article’s publishing, Caldera was at 1.6 million views via are personal tracker. So help us save the film by watching it with friends here. (Not YouTube or elsewhere.) Tell everyone; we need your help.

Thank you so much and please enjoy.

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About the author

Jimmy Rustling

Jimmy Rustling

Born at an early age, Jimmy Rustling has found solace and comfort knowing that his humble actions have made this multiverse a better place for every man, woman and child ever known to exist. Dr. Jimmy Rustling has won many awards for excellence in writing including fourteen Peabody awards and a handful of Pulitzer Prizes. When Jimmies are not being Rustled the kind Dr. enjoys being an amazing husband to his beautiful, soulmate; Anastasia, a Russian mail order bride of almost 2 months. Dr. Rustling also spends 12-15 hours each day teaching their adopted 8-year-old Syrian refugee daughter how to read and write.

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