Books Entertainment

Leah Remini Scientology Tell-All Book: Leaked Excerpts!

Written by Jimmy Rustling

Sending shockwaves through both the literally world and Tinsel Town, it was revealed today that Leah Remini, former star of The Talk and The King of Queens, is releasing a blistering tell-all book on November 3rd on her ex religion, Scientology. What was not revealed is that the book has been completed now for over six months, but was pushed back due to theft.

According to CNN, random pages from Remini’s then manuscript, titled, Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology, went missing several weeks before the big announcement, and that Remini merely reprinted and reinserted the absent pages back into the book. The missing excerpts turned up online hours ago on TMZ, but were quickly removed for unknown reasons. (Although we can guess.) Against several threats from Remini’s attorneys, NBC News has decided to reveal the authentic (confirmed via Random House) but partial texts from the original manuscript. They will shock and amaze you!

January: 2013
Another long day. Cruise (Tom) came to the church dressed as Maverick again. Helmet and all. Kept referring to me as Iceman. Says I’ll never be as good as Goose. “Goose” being David. I walked away like always and he (like always) started singing Take My Breath Away at the top of his lungs. I looked back just once out of habit and he flipped the helmet visor down and did the “call me” gesture. I gave him the f*ck you gesture in return.

February: 2013
Kirstie Alley keeps telling the members in the dining hall that she’s getting food for me, but in reality she’s just eating it herself. Twice I went there and they had “my” orders ready. Kirstie came up and said: “Oh, hey, Le. What’s up? I was just bringing these to you,” and hightailed it outta there before I could ask her what she was talking about.

Thursday: The 14th
Kirstie did the Truffle Shuffle while we were fixing our makeup in the bathroom today. She said: “Hey Le. What’da’ya think of this? and truffled me against the wall. Made hard eye contact the whole time too. Beyoncé’s, Get Me Bodied was playing on her i-Phone while she batted me around the baby changing station. Afterwards she lit a cigarette and asked was it as good for me and it was for her? I whimpered.

March: 2013
I’m pretty close to leaving now. John “I’m not gay” Travolta keeps asking me where my yummy looking husband is. Calls him Mr. Delish. I so want to yank that stupid looking wig off his head but we girls shouldn’t fight. I’ll let him be for now. A few more months and it’ll all be “under the rug” anyway.

June 15th: 2013
The church threw me a birthday party today. Brought in Kevin James to dance for me. The song he chose was Touch My Body by Mariah Carey. So embarrassing but I danced with him. It was fun after while.

July: 2013
Today was my last day. Cruise again. He had the now infamous “Oprah Couch” brought in out of storage and demanded we all jump on it alongside him. He keep yelling Show Me The Moneeeeeey! while we did. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse he broke out into Danger Zone. Making sure to use quote fingers every time he said danger zone. God almighty. I should have left that place when Katie did.

Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology, will be available on sale at and all other places where books are sold. ( pretty much). Make sure you grab your copy ASAP on the first day!

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About the author

Jimmy Rustling

Born at an early age, Jimmy Rustling has found solace and comfort knowing that his humble actions have made this multiverse a better place for every man, woman and child ever known to exist. Dr. Jimmy Rustling has won many awards for excellence in writing including fourteen Peabody awards and a handful of Pulitzer Prizes. When Jimmies are not being Rustled the kind Dr. enjoys being an amazing husband to his beautiful, soulmate; Anastasia, a Russian mail order bride of almost 2 months. Dr. Rustling also spends 12-15 hours each day teaching their adopted 8-year-old Syrian refugee daughter how to read and write.